Peeta and the Camel
by GaleLover8
Summary: Warning: may contain destructive material. If you read this, your may flunk your next math test. Your mind may be blank and confused for a few minutes after reading. Happy birthday, Sapphire Wych!


**The summary's warning enough, ain't it? I'll warn you again now...the "story" you're about to read is: (1) ridiculous, (2) stupid, (3) immature, (4) nonsensical, (5) freakish, (6) strange, and (7) deliriously mad.**

**Dear Sapphire Wych, this is dedicated to you. First of all, HAPPY VERY BELATED (yes, I'm a week late) BIRTHDAY! I love you, you're awesome, and I hope you had the best birthday ever. Everyone, Sapphire is so awesome. You should read her stories 'cause they're just so pure epic that it hurts to look at them. We've become good friends even though we've actually never met in real life. All in all, she's an unforgettable little girl who deserves a book to be written about her.**

**LOVE YA. Gale**

**I sincerely apologize for what you're about to read. Don't say I didn't warn ya.**

"Omg. OMG. OH EM GEEEE!" shouted a little girl named Katniss Everdeen. She was 17 years old, and she had just defeated the evil president of Panem by hitting him on the head with a garbage can. "PEETA, DID YOU SEE THAT?" she screamed to her boyfriend, whom she was angry at at the moment. Peeta Mellark, her "star-crossed lover", had recently cheated on her with _another _camel and she decided to dump him the next day.

"Yeah, I saw it," he said in a bored monotone. "Can we play another game of chess? I'm feeling totally smarticles today."

"I don't CARE if you're feeling smarticles," she moaned. "Let's lock Snow in a tomb and play Harry Houdini! We can toss him into a river and see if he's able to come out."

"Ugh, you're so annoying," Peeta groaned. "Camelia is so much more fun."

"Why are you so into camels?" Katniss burst into teacher and rolled around on the kitchen floor in agony. "I though you loved me. I THOUGHT YOU LOVED ME. And then. And then YOU BROKE MY HEART."

"It's only 'cause I like their humps," Peeta replied, taking out a cigarette. "They're really cool. Did you know that they're made entirely out of water? So THAT'S why people travel around the desert with camels...if they ran out of water, they could just kill their camel! It's totes genius." He lit the cigarette and then stomped on it, complaining that it was too round.

"You know what?" Katniss snorted, jumping onto Peeta's lap. "The reaping is coming soon. And then when your precious Camelia is reaped, you're going to be stuck with me."

Suddenly, there was a knock at the door. Peeta threw Katniss off of his lap and skipped to the door, throwing it open. "HOWDY, GALE!"

"Hey." Gale walked in and stared cockily at Katniss. "Hey, Catnip. Wanna see my abs? They're brand new. Peeta even did the surgery." Peeta nodded proudly, thrusting out his chest and slapping Gale a high-five.

"I don't wanna see your plastic surgery," Katniss groaned. "I need a MAN. That's what I need. Will you be my man, Gale?"

"No." Gale walked over to the kitchen and threw some ingredients into a pot. "Hey, what's Snow doing over here? Is he dead?"

"Yes."

"Cool." He mixed together Ketchup, mustard, and Peeta's anti-itch cream and poured it into a salsa.

"What are you making?" Katniss asked, curious, walking over to Gale's mysterious concoction.

"Oh, nothing much," he smiled. "When you drink this, you'll DIE."

"I KNOW WHAT I'M GOING TO BE FOR HALLOWEEN!" Peeta shrieked from the sofa, waving a magazine in the air. "Wanna hear what I'm gunna be for Halloween? Wanna hear? WANNA?"

"YEAH!" Gale dropped the hairball he was holding into his soup and galloped over to Peeta. "What are you gonna be, Peeta?"

"I'm gonna be...get ready for this!" Gale nodded excitedly, and Katniss rolled her eyes.

"I'M GONNA BE...A LALLYPUS!"

An awkward silence followed. "What's a lallypus?" Gale asked.

"It's a mixture between a platypus and a - "

"And a CAMEL," Katniss spat. "He's obsessed with camels. He's even cheating on me with some lady camel - "

"Her name's CAMELIA," Peeta said defensively, just as the doorbell rang again.

"Omg! OMG! OH EM GEEEE!" Katniss screamed, running over to the door. "I'LL GET IT! I'LL GET IT! I'LL GET IT! I WILL!" She opened the door and a disgusted look took over her face.

"Ewwwwww, Peeta, why'd you invite Camelia over?"

_Nuuuuuuurrrrrrrr. Nur nur nuuuuuurrrrrrrr. _"She says that she's going to take us to the king's court," Peeta explained. "Let's all hitch a ride on her back! What do you say, Camelia?"

_Nuuurrrr nur nuuurrr nur nur nuuuuurrrrr nurr nuuurrrrrr_. "She'll take everyone except Katniss," Peeta shouted. "LET'S GO!" He and Gale giddily hopped onto the camel, who was a booger green without any humps, and took off with Katniss screaming and running behind them.

Within five minutes, the two boys, flushed with ecstasy, arrived at the court, followed by a worn-out Katniss. The three of them shot up the stairs and into the courthouse, where they were delighted to see a murder trial in progress.

Gale jumped onto the defendant's back. "GIMME A PIGGY BACK RIDE, THEE WHO HAS BEEN ACCUSEDETH!"

"Haha! I love old English!" Peeta cried in glee, somersaulting onto the judge's desk and rolling around on his papers. "GYMNASTICS! GYMNASTICS!"

The judges and court officials began yelling and screaming, and pretty soon Katniss was in handcuffs and was being taken to the electric chair.

"OH NO, THE ELECTRIC CHAIR!" a man named Cinna screamed. "DELINQUENT! LET HER GO!"

"She has committed a horrible crime," the police said, and Katniss yelled and squirmed. "What shall you pay for her release?"

"ONE AND A HALF CAMELS."

"You've got yourself a deal." The delinquent threw Katniss into Cinna's arms, and Gale and Peeta cartwheeled all the way to Camelia just as the delinquent took out a saw.

"DON'T HURT CAMELIA," Peeta wailed, sprinting over to the delinquent and karate-chopping his toe.

"OWCHIE! OWWWCHIEEEEE!" he sobbed, and Peeta grabbed Gale and Katniss' hands, lifted them onto Camelia, and rode away.

"Let's go to your house and have dinner, Peeta," Gale said. "I made a delicious tomato soup, anyway."

"AVADAKEDAVRA!" All of a sudden, an ugly, bald man without a nose appeared in front of Peeta.

"WHAT IS YOUR NAME, UGLY MAN?" Gale bellowed, pointing his sword at the thing as Peeta and Katniss huddled behind him.

"My name. Is Dark. Lord. Voldemort."

Gale stayed silent for a moment, and then burst out laughing. "HAHAHA THAT'S SO TOTALLY LOL! Voldemort? That sounds like a medicine for the measles! HAHAHA LOL OMG I'M SO FUNNY!"

Voldemort rolled his eyes and held out a girl. "This here, see this girl here? Her name is Sapphire Wych. You take her under your care." Sapphire's liquidy sapphire eyes held Gale in a trance.

"I think...I think I'm in love," he said in a daze. Sapphire cocked her head to the side. "You are Gale?"

"Yes...and you are Sapphire Wych."

Sapphire laughed softly, but all Gale heard in his head was a melody of bells. "Come with me, Sapphire. We shall be married in the morning."

"YAAAAAAAYYYYY! Let's go home and CELEBRATE!" Peeta squealed, and Gale lifted Sapphire tenderly onto his lap as Camelia galloped away.

**I think that's the worst piece of literature I've ever written...cheers to that XD Eek...this is why Gale must stay off of coffee. Gale as in me. I'd love reviews but no flames ;) I should go rest my mind now. Nighty night.**

**Btdubs, if you don't like stories like this one, you should go read my serious one. It's called Is This Real?. Yes, the question mark's part of the title. It's much different than this...LOL. Good night now!**


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